On a fateful Monday morning I had just woken up,still stretching on the bed as I hissed and turned in despair as the thought of “Monday” kept lingering in my head. Oh gosh how I hate Mondays the beginning of a week of lectures and suffering.

               Flashback to Friday when I had just updated “TGIF” as my 2go status only for the weekend to come and go faster than 911 calls in white neighborhoods. Smh as I reluctantly rolled down from my student’s sized mattress straight into a push-up position. Half-asleep,half-awake doing my push ups 1,2,3,4,5…19…20.

              I jumped up to catch my breath at the same time using my side eyes to check out that sexy guy standing in front of my mirror..chai I sexy o! I thought to myself. I snapped out of my self admiration and jumped into the bathroom to have my bath. Singing in the bathroom is what I’m known for in my lodge as I have won so many Grammy awards there,my bathroom was my studio without doubts. Singing Mr.2kay’s “who no like better thing” not considering who I was disturbing in the flat I had my bath and brushed my teeth in a jiffy,selecting a clothe to wear had never been a task for me cuz I don’t have a range of options to choose from.

           My wardrobe is literally empty with several dangling hangers eagerly waiting to be used,I needed to go shopping soon! I picked my normal combo,long sleeve shirt with jean trousers with my all-stars.Looking into the mirror admiring myself,me sef know say I fine,using my thumb to adjust my eyebrows and smacking my lips,I gave my reflection a wink and jetted out for school. Leaving my lodge I met Emeka a lodgemate who just woke up,stretching almost like a dog who had been asleep under a danfo bus,exposing his ribs which looked like you could use them as a guitar. (“Boss awfa na) ,he said..(“I dey o,how ur night) .I retorted…(“You don dey go school??)” No o! I dey go officiate El classico idiat,I thought to myself (“yes bros I don dey move,later na”) I replied as I left.


             Walking down to south-gate from my house (apatapiti) is a 10 mins walk.When I got in the neighborhood newly I used to take a #50 bike everyday but as d tin con dey shake my wallet. Mehn,no be person tell me say I gats dey leg am. Usually before I reach south-gate my shoes would have been covered with dust and today was no exception. Getting to south-gate I looked like someone who just finished playing monkey post, chai on a Monday morning! One day we go buy Ferrari,I thought to myself as I bent down to wipe the dust off my shoes at the same time cursing PDP and Jonathan’s administration for not providing adequate roads. Stupid government! We Nigerians are so good at blaming the government for our misfortunes. Guilty as charged! I was about raising my head up to continue going to my destination when my eyes caught the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in a while.

             Futa isn’t known for its girls,I mean we have men as girls,sometimes I wonder if futa ever looks at their passports before admitting. Woes of a futarian! Mehn, this babe was smoking hot,she was like cake and I just wanted to lick the icing sugar. I hadn’t seen this face before! She must be a fresher,I presumed. Then,lucifer started playing games in my head by discouraging me. On average,every cute futa girl has over 6 toasters everyday,6 multiplied by 7days of the week,multiplied by 4weeks in a month,multiplied by 12months in a year, Do the maths!! Oboy you don’t stand a chance!!! I was about giving in to lucifer when another voice said to me “you’re tall and handsome,give it a try”. I followed this other voice as I started strategizing on how to walk up to this girl. By this time she had crossed the road and was approaching where I stood,my heart started pounding,I was sweating like a pastor’s forehead,Don’t blame me,we’re not used to girls like this in futa.if it were Ronke or Bisi wey no fine I would have been more composed without stress. Now,she just passed where I stood,”Guy you couldn’t even say anything!! You be fool ooh!” I thought to myself, I was standing like one dummy. I did make sure she noticed I was staring and when she noticed,she gave me this “what I do? look”. ,I knew I had gotten her attention! Step 1 passed! Or so I thought.

           She was definitely headed for the bus park to board a bus heading for school so I hastened up so I could sit close to her and probably strike a convo with her on the bus. I followed silently behind her admiring her curves,she didn’t seem much in a hurry unlike other futarians who were galloping to wherever they were going to,someone seeing them will think they’re late for a job interview. Chill people! Its 7:08 am,lectures starts at 8 am!!! Yeeeesssh! Futarians and book sha!. This girl didn’t seem like a bookworm but for her to be going to class by this time means she must be a serious student. We got to the park and as she entered the bus that was loading as I hastened to grab a seat close to her. She sat on the seat close to the door and I was about taking the seat close to her which was the last seat when someone touched me and said “sorry,I’m there” aaaaahhhh I felt like crying! “Ehh” I replied ” I said I’m there” I turned to see one short ugly dude who looked like tyrion lannister from game of thrones only that he was the black version,he wore this shirt with “My Money Grows Like Grass” printed on the posterior and I concluded he was an Osogbo boy! Stereotype or fallacy of hasty generalization,which ever you call it,Pulleaase!,I was three times his size and I thought of just flinging him like paper and taking the seat close to my heartthrob but I just chilled.I felt my fundamental human right had been trampled upon but who cares? With so much vex in me I watched as her bus bolted away as I watched like all those romantic scenes from a love film. Bad market! I quickly jumped on the next loading bus and before I knew it we were very close to her bus. I smiled sheepishly.

          Alighting from the bus,I could see her just a few meters away,I wasn’t gonna let another opportunity slip away! I hurried towards her ” H-H-H-Hello” I stuttered, she turned so sharp almost wiping her weavon into my eyes,her weavon-oil’s scent filled my nose as I inhaled. ” Hi,good morning” she replied. Now I could see a clearer view of her face.She had this round face with her eyes,nose and mouth well positioned at the right places,her lips looked so inviting and her lip gloss wasn’t just helping matters at all. She had mild make up on and her hair rested perfectly on her shoulder as her neck bones were slightly visible. In a split second,I ran my eyes all over her face and I could even notice features like she had three ear piercings,she had a slight gap tooth and she was wearing a black bra. Call me a freak,I accept!! She had the perfect height I wanted,being 6 foot 3 I never liked tall girls,I often mistook them for men sometimes. I once joked,if my wife is taller than me,she should check the scary noises in the house at night,cus she’s the man of the house!!!!! “Hello,can I help you?” She disrupted my thoughts. “Errm..sorry,can I walk you to wherever you’re going to”……. “Don’t you have lectures or something,I’m going for a lecture now”……”my lecture doesn’t start anytime soon,so I could spare 20mins,do you mind?” she paused a little and reluctantly said yes.


            We walked towards the 2-in-1 lecture theater as I tried as much as possible to keep the convo going. Her name was Linda and she was a fresher,yeah I guessed right.Her English was perfect unlike the ones we hear from an average futa girl. Futa girls and “h” factor sha..they’ll pronounce egg as hegg,eat as heat,out as haawt and the most annoying of all square as SKWA . Smh. Linda was definitely feeling my talk as I dropped few of my previously rehearsed jokes,she chuckled at them and I was feeling like Bovi and Basketmouth combined. Walking with this fine girl alone made my reps high,I could notice a cluster of guys sitting at a distance from where we were obviously murmuring as we passed by.bad belle! Na una get una mouth!*****On reaching her venue for lecture,I knew I had to stop there and from the look on her face I had made a good first impression. Step 2 passed!!!!! She said it was nice talking to me and I replied the same but also adding that I would love to talk to her some other time.Indirectly, asking for her number. As a normal girl will do she refused at first but with a little resistance from myself she gave in and called her number out off-heart. I quickly jotted it down on a page of my notebook so fast like I was on a show on fastest fingers first. My phone was switched off,no thanks to Nepa. At this time,we bidded each other farewell and I knew it wasn’t a matter of time before we talked again.I sighed a sigh of relief smiling and watching her walk into her lecture theater till she vanished. My Monday started on a good note after all.


            That evening,I got home really exhausted after lectures. We had 8-6pm lectures!!!!! I could hear my ancestors calling my name and I knew if I didn’t rest my head I will be joining them soon. I fell into a deep sleep out of exhaustion and I was awoken by a knock on my door.I rushed to the door to find out it was the guy from the next flat who came to borrow a match-stick.

          Mehn,this guy woke me up bcos of a match stick. I carry beta swear give am as I handed him the whole match box so he won’t disturb me again. I felt like headbutting him on the throat but I was just too tired. At that point I realized Nepa had restored power,Awon oloshi! I plugged my phone immediately cuz this niggas aint loyal,as my phone came to life,a flood of messages appeared on my phone screen,my phone had been switched off for 3 days. I prayed inside of me that one of the message will hopefully be a credit alert.My papa don forget say e get pikin for school. I clicked on the message icon only to discover it was from “Dr.Oharazurike” it read “HOW TO ENLARGE YOUR PENIS” is this one mad??? Abi God wan punish hin family ni?? Who sends these messages,seriously??? My email is filled with Dr.Oharazurike’s messages and I don’t know this man! I don’t want to enlarge my penis! Shuuuu! It will be an irony if I finally get to meet Dr.Oharazurike and he has a small penis lmao.I will beat him ehn! I dropped my phone and before I could say “Aubemeyang” Nepa had siezed power. Obviously,God will punish two people now.Doctor and Nepa. Perfect! With the little battery I had,I remembered Linda and quickly added her number to my contacts. I pressed the green button to place a call then a voice stopped me saying “Your Account Is Too Low,Please Load a Recharge Card,Thank You” chai! Emptyhen (MTN) una don come ooo! I checked my account balance I discovered I was owing #100,i had been owing that #100 for 2weeks now,emptyhen no fit just free a brutha?? Shuuuuu!! I rushed to get airtime from Iya Nicholas, as I loa loaded the card with this grin on my face,she could notice how eager and happy I was and she asked “Hope nothing?” I replied “No,mummy,not at all” I quickly raced away from her shop before she remembered my previous #200 debt..mehn,iya nicholas has being saving lives since guinness time (1759).

              I payed emptyhen the debt I owed and as a sharp broke guy I borrowed #200,this one could take months to pay back but remembering Linda,I knew its a risk worth taking. Omo this babe must let me knack kpekus ooh!!! I dialled her number and after ringing for a while she picked,after a little introduction we got talking and gisted about random stuffs. We had spoken for over 3mins when I heard “One Minute Remaining” and this babe was till going on and on with her gist. I cut in politely and proceeded to ending the gist then she asked where I stayed. Yeeeeeeeeee!!! Where I stay??? My dirty mind was on duty today! All I was visualising was how I will knack linda’s kpekus. I told her where I stayed and it turned out she stayed close. We agreed on she coming on friday and I hung up. I was so happy and felt like doing Ronaldo’s jump and spin celebration!! Could this day get any better???? I got Linda locked in! I was feeling on top the world now. I felt like Mayweather when he beat Pacquiao! I must be the luckiest man alive right now.I thought to myself! I went back to my sleep,it took long for me to finally get back to sleep but I slept with a smile on my face.Mama I made it !!!!!


         Friday! Friday! Friday! Can you come already? The countdown began,Tuesday to Friday felt like a whole month.It was so slow. I couldn’t wait for friday! Friday,when Linda was gonna come!! Aah please come already!! Friday finally came and I was delighted,finally the wait was over. I had told a few of my friends about Linda and some congratulated me while some were filled with envy,ntoorrrr!***** I had just one lecture on fridays which was 8-10am so my weekend started by 10am,perfect! I sha knew I went to school and was my usual quiet self,we had taking-off that morning and if there’s anything I hate more than Chelsea fans,its taking off!!!!! Taking off is not real! They’re messing with our minds!! To sum it all up,our lecturer has this massive behind!! How’s a nigga gonna concentrate! Even when I try so much to learn taking off,that behind won’t let me (Don’t judge me,I’m only human) God save me!*****i hurried home to get every where set for Linda’s visit.I cleaned virtually everywhere in the room including the ceiling.I had to make a good impression!! My room isnt very lavished but e try sha for a student. I picked up my phone and called Linda,we had talked a night before and it was crystal-clear she was into me,we spoke a little and I slipped in that I was still expecting her today.She said she was gonna be coming by 1pm and a quick glance at my broken wall clock said it was 12:05pm,I hung up and told her I was expecting. I cross-checked my room making sure I left no stone unturned. I sprayed some air conditioner to prevent any odoriferous stench and finally the stage was set!!!!!!! I was waiting on Linda like the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.****1:25pm and this chick wasn’t here! Have I been scammed? No,I didn’t want to believe! She can’t do this to me.I thought as hot tears filled my eyes. I decided I needed to just chill,she will come.****2:30pm this babe never come!!! I had lost hope,I have been scammed! Then a call came in!! It was Linda!! Eeeh!

            Eeeh! If this chick wasn’t gonna come she had better give a good reason why she’s not coming.Reasons like she got shot,Her dad died and her mum fainted,Bomb blast at southgate..or else I’ll swear for her! I picked her call and she apologised saying she’s in front of my lodge! I ran out quickly still holding my phone on my ears. She was standing right in front of my gate,wearing a black leggings and a jean jacket,she was looking sweet!!! I welcomed her into my compound and we talked on how she found her way to my place as we walked to my room. Today na Today!


               As a gentleman wey I be *winks* I opened the door for her to enter while I took a quick glance at her behind,it was nothing close to my QSV 201 lecturer’s own but that’s none of my business. We both entered and I bolted the door behind me. I had reserved one Malt drink that was shared in church the previous sunday and handed it to Linda,I watched as she gulped it down while I was contended with swallowing my saliva,I no dey complain! I played some music to light up the atmosphere,”J.cole- Note to Self” my favourite was rocking and Linda was nodding in appreciation. She took of her jacket at that moment cuz she was feeling uneasy with it and I could see she was wearing a spaghetti top underneath (I’m not sure that’s what its called).**** we got talking and I spoke seductively as possible and she was getting the jerk. We both laughed and she was feeling really comfy around me. Yessss!!!!! I made comments about her sweet lips and she turned pink blushing uncontrollably.I asked what was the flavor of her lips and she replied by saying “why don’t you find out yourself”….That was the green light I needed!!!!!!!!

              I leaned forward and kissed her gently,her lips were softer than today’s bread,I kissed her deeper and it felt better!!! This was it!! All those days of waiting finally paying off!! As I kissed her,pictures of how I met her flashed across my head and I blessed PDP for not creating adequate roads,if I wasn’t dusting my shoe I won’t be here! God bless PDP!!! God bless Jonathan!!!***** By now,I was doing some hand movements already with my large palms on her boobs,sqeeezing them gently and at the same time biting gently on her lips I could hear her moan faintly as it echoed inside my mouth. My Shaq (I call my dick Shaq,Shaquille O’neal from NBA,tall,big and black dude) nodded in appreciation. Shaq was erect at that time trying so hard to get out but Shaq you have to chill!!!!! I lay her down on the bed unhooking her bra is 5-milli seconds ( I currently hold hold the record for fastest bra unhooker) exposing her boobs while I sucked on her nipples till they were red and looked sore,she moaned in ecstasy and Shaq responded with a kick. I ran my lips gently from her nipples down to her navel then slowly between her legs,by then she had taken her leggings off with just her panties on. Now all sexual-like,I took off her panties with my teeth (girls like that shii) exposing her kpekus. It was nicely shaved with little hair,she was clean!I played around her puccy with my lips and I could tell she just couldn’t wait for me to dig in!!! I sniffed around her puccy and the scent was nice,she was dripping wet.I stuck my tongue in,rolling in like a lizard in search of food,then I concentrated on her clitoris,sucking it hard as she moaned loudly. She grabbed the bedsheets like she was gonna rip it apart and her lower back barely touched the bed.She kept swinging her hips like a bellydancer with her eyes closed and I knew it won’t be long till she came. I sucked with no remorse till she came,almost shaking like someone who was being electrocuted. Mehn,I’m bad and I know it.

            She pushed me to the bed saying “You’re a bad boy,Obinna” and dragged my boxer shorts down,Shaq jumped out like Jack-in-the-box and Shaq became evern more erect.She smiled at the size and how well shaved Shaq was and she started some crazy mouth action. She sucked Shaq like her life depended on it. Saliva dripping from Shaq and I loved it!!!! I got up and she positioned in a doggy style,giving me a clear view of her ass down to her back.She had back dimples,Back dimples are sexy!!!! I ripped a latex condom is a slight second like a pro and wore it over Shaq. Then I made the grand entry,thrusting slowly at first for her to get used to the size of Shaq,then I starting pounding a lot faster.Sex noise filled the room and she moaned loudly. I thrusted hard till I came,not done yet I ripped another latex as she jumped on me and rode me cowgirl-style and I obliged by hol holding the firm boobs staring right at me. We went on and on for 5rounds. And we cuddled up in exhaustion.

Thanks for reading!!! All this is fiction,its not real

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