Hey guys thought I should share this cool story;
We had just resumed a fresh session and i rallied around to get myself set before lectures commenced. Registration done! All that was left was my accommodation. My previous lodge rent had expired and I wanted a change of environment. A place close to school will be just perfect so I started my lodge hunt concurrently looking for a roommate to stay with.
I finally got a self-contain apartment (student-esque) coupled with a roommate. My new roommate’s name was Jeff and he seemed like a decent dude from the onset. We both moved in,paid our rent and furnished the room. Finally,I was ready for the semester.
Jeff kept a lot allies in contrast to me who had a small circle of friends.
His friends came to our place at will. Most times uninvited. Eating,gaming and sometimes sleeping over seemed like normal stuffs guys do together and I was partially cool with it until they started bringing their weed along with them to the house.
They all had weird nicknames like K-sher,Exhaust Pipe,Eja,Santino,Mwari-Mwari, Otondo, Jackuana, Nako-Brako, White etc.
Every so often,they will come in squad and smoke in the room. Usually they left the room with a smoky atmosphere,burnt rugs and bedspreads,dirty weed droppings et al.I didn’t want to seem like a petulant baby so I was condoning the trauma until it got to a point I could take it no more. I had to confront them and I did.
I gathered mind and walked in while they were at their normal proceedings.
“Hey guys,this thing you people are doing is not right,its harmful to your health,how can you even smoke inside the house,I can barely breathe” I said to them,almost begging despite the fact that I own the place.
“We don hear,na the last time” one of them retorted while the others were still basking in the euphoria from the weed.
“Guy,you be bolo..you don’t know what you’re missing! Open your bible and read Genesis 9:3 and Hebrews 6:7 . This is God’s blessing to earth.You know nothing..Goan sleep jare” another one of them they nicknamed Rabbit barked at me.
“Una fit smoke outside but no bring am come inside” I replied whilst holding my nose to prevent the smoke.
“Guy you dey disturb us ooh!!” He replied
I could see anger and rage in his already red-bloodshot eyes.
I kept quiet and didn’t respond obviously out of fear. From what I knew,high people get more aggressive than usual and I wasn’t ready for a royal rumble with someone with a fat,trumpet-like blunt in his hand. No way!! I walked out of the room to get some fresh air.
I sat outside thinking of what had just been said to me,am I truly a “bolo” because I don’t smoke weed? I brought out my bible and read the verses the guy quoted and I could reason with him (wrong decision). I just wanted to feel among!.Long story short,I made up my mind I was gonna try this weed thing and see how it goes.I had my fingers crossed.
I waited till they left,each of them with Chinese/Asian eyes as they staggered,they all seemed ecstatic and I itched to be like them.
I went inside
There were still 4wraps left on a small tray. I didn’t like the sight of smoke so I chose a better option (wrong decision again) of putting it in my bowl of beans. Out of mediocrity I emptied 3wraps of weed in a small bowl of beans and began munching- normally 1wrap can knock out a full grown man. I ate all and felt alright-my normal sane self.
I lay on the bed staring at the ceiling,perplexed cos I knew I was supposed to be HIGH!!! Abi this weed fake ni? Oh oh oh maybe I’m some kinda superhero who’s immune to weed! Exactly,that’s it.
I closed my eyes about to get some “super-hero nap”.
I woke up about 20mins later and it felt like I had beat by Dre headphones on. I was on the ground sweating profusely and it felt like the roof was on fire. I got up,using a chair as support.I felt slightly dizzy.It was scary and fun all at the same time. I could hear my heart beat -it was very audible. I could hear saliva roll down my oesophagus.
Mehn,you have to experience it to believe it. My mouth was dry and I felt dehydrated. I gulped down 5cups of water but it felt like pouring water into a basket. I didn’t know where the water was going. My legs became numb and no matter how hard I pinched my laps I couldn’t feel anything.Then, out of nowhere my heart rate shot up, but it didn’t feel like my heart was pumping right. It was pumping much harder and faster.
I washed my face and looked in the mirror,I could see three of me. Then my reflection started talking to me “Oya off your shirt,takkkirroff!!!”. I took off my shirt and ran outside with just boxer shorts on. Every where was so bright it felt like what I picture in my mind as heaven,the heat of the sun was tripled!
Then something said to me in my head ( Ganja spirit) “Run away from the sun” “Run” “Run”. I started running, at full speed! Usain Bolt will come second if placed against me yo!!!
I’ll definitely give Flash a run for his money.
Now here’s the scary part,I wasn’t running to find shade o! I was just running away from the sun! But the damn sun kept following me!
“Respect yourself o,stop following me! Ahn ahn na by force?” I looked up to the sun speaking to it. But the sun kept following a brutha upandan! By then I had covered over 3km and passersby where shaking their head in despair (I still had only boxers on). I wasn’t tired,still energetic as ever!
I met a woman selling confectionaries (buscuit,sweet,chewing gum) and asked her “Ehn mummy do you have VISA,#10naira VISA?” She sighed in exasperation knowing that this one was not normal. To me she was the abnormal one so I walked away pitying the poor woman.
I walked towards a music CD vendor and he was blasting music to announce to people that he was around. He was playing “Bend Down Pause by Wizkid and Runtown” . As I passed,that same evil voice said to me “Oya Shake What Your Mama Gave Ya”.
I started twerking like Miley at the middle of the road,Bend Down Pause motion as I twerked. I was engrossed with the music forgetting Mr.Sun was still following me and passers-by were thrilled with a live dance performance. And they didn’t need to pay this! Free entertainment! Normal naija thing na- they brought out their smartphones and started taking pics and videoing. I was gonna be famous. Thanks to Marijuana.
My “Naija Got Talent” audition was cut short by a resounding slap at the back of my head. All I could see was a bright light. I passed out immediately,unconscious of happenings around me.
******Several hours later,I yawned as I woke up to the worst hunger I’ve ever experienced in my life. I was on my bed bundled with ropes . How I got there,I didn’t know. I yelled for help as Jeff and his friends came in laughing uncontrollably. Turned out I had been asleep for 48hours. They kept laughing as they tried explaining how they found and saved me from madness. I was untied and I ate 4hungryman noodles with one malt before I could regain full consciousness. I felt light headed and weak. I got more than I bargained for and I had no one else to blame than myself.
I answered over a thousand “What Happened To you the Other Day?” questions in school the next day. Even my crush had a share of the laugh as I was tagged “Ganja man”
The following day,I jejely packed my bags and left Jeff and the room,oga landlord refunded my money and I found another apartment.
Moral Lesson: Abstinence is best but IF YOU MUST try weed? For the 1st time, Smoke it,Don’t Eat it.
Thanks for reading